When will you be good enough?

"When are you goint to stop asking other people whether you're good enough?" - Jeanine

My aunt, shortly before her passing last year. It hit home hard with me.

This was her reaction when I proudly told her that I was following a postgraduate program Inspirational Coaching. I blinked a few times, during one of the very few moments I didn't quite know what to say, trying to understand what she meant.

"What?" I asked, feeling slightly miffed.

She looked at me unapologetically with those familiar brown eyes and smacked me over the head with her typical straight forward approach.

"How many times do people need to tell you that you're good enough before you'll finally start to believe it?"

Not exactly the reaction I had expected or hoped for when sharing my news. But it was the reality check that I needed. The remark stayed with me and made me think and (as was often the case) she was right. Upon reflection I came to the realisation that this was a recurring aspect in my life that I had been carrying around since forever. And I hadn't even noticed!

And here I was, thinking that following an education was good for my personal development. I was going to become smart. And I was going to expand my horizon. And I was going to further develop and enrich my talent. And, and, and... And all of that true. Because all of that did happen. But none of it undid the fact that I used studying also as a way to get confirmation from others that I was good enough.

Becaue that is effectively what you do when you study:

By way of exams, tests, analyses, tasks, assignments you get a score from an acknowledged expert. And that score indicates that you have mastered the matter at hand. So, you rely on that other to indicate that you are good enough so you can prove to different others that they can trust you with this matter. That's how it works. And, to be fair, rightfully so. Because, how else would you assess when someone is capable to assist you with a specific topic, problem or situation? So that system is perfectly ok.

Although... perfectly?

What if you can't stop asking others if you're good enough?

When do you transition from trusting other people's opinion towards trusting yourself?

For some that score is enough to make the switch to self-confidence. Others don't even need that score and trust themselves regardless of a score. But if you are like me then you need an aunt to give you her undiluted opionion with the full love of someone who does see your worth.

I was lucky to have such an aunt and blessed that she was able to give me her message before she had to move on.

It is not easy to simply lay down a lifelong habbit, but I started. I remind myself of her words every week and try to keep them in mind with every decision I face. I use her question to follow a more healthy path and choosing myself.

And you? How do you choose for you?